That Phase

I came to a point where I needed solitude and just stop the machine of ‘thinking’ and ‘enjoying’ what they call ‘living’, I just wanted to lie in the grass and look at the clouds.
~ Jack Kerouac

I think I have reached the phase of my life whereby I have low tolerance of
nonsense.

As define by Dictionary.com, nonsense is:

  1. words or language having little or no sense or meaning.
  2. conduct, action, etc., that is senseless, foolish, or absurd
  3. impudent, insubordinate, or otherwise objectionable behavior: 
  4. something absurd or fatuous
  5. anything of trifling importance or of little or no use

I just want to vanish into thin air and be in my little bubble, doing things that I love. Sometimes, I wonder what happened along history that made life so realistic, or at least that’s what happened to my surrounding. Is it really hard to balance between survival and doing the things that you love at the same time? Sometimes, I wonder how long more would I be able to stay in the corporate world. E.

(Credit of image)

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Dear Esther

Dear Esther,

When you read this message, I want you to forget everything in Singapore and enjoy your holiday. You are flying to Taiwan with Laureen. Yay! Hopefully, you did not complain about the budget airline and learn to appreciate that you get to go overseas. Enjoy and embrace the culture, scenes and the beauty of the country. Bring back all the wonderful memories and pictures. Do not overspend. If you do not have time to take photos, it’s ok as these images will etch in your memory for long. Gain inspiration and continue to think of ideas for your portfolio. I know you should be relaxing and enjoying, but this is a great chance to open your mind to the unexpected too. Push yourself! You can do it. Most importantly, please look after yourself, especially your diet and health. Stay healthy and strong. I look forward to meet a better and fresher you. 🙂

Love,
Esther from the past.
04042013

Comes what may

Now that I have more time on hand, I start to think a bit more about my future, or rather on what do I want exactly. It’s hard to pen down the emotions that are within me, needless to say about the thoughts. Majority of these thoughts are due to external factors, because now that I have more time, I started to read and catch up on the news. (The government is planning to increase the population in Singapore. It has it boons and bans.)

I starred at my bucket list. I was wandering if the points that I listed were what I seriously wanted to do? What do I gain from all these? How do I feel towards them? My mum was the one who questioned me when I started on my 365 drawing project: Cats in Crime. To be extremely frank towards myself, I know I had nothing much to gain. However, the entire process of thinking about what to draw to the editing was an enjoyable process. Until now, I don’t find it as a chore. I like to design. I am happy. My inner self is at equilibrium.

This year I started to work towards my goals. Right now, I am reflecting and thinking of the consequences of each goal. I am certain that there will be changes to the bucket list. At the end of the day (or life), I want to live life to the fullest. Like the tagline “Making the best out of imperfections”, I will make do with what I have and make the best out of them. Well, because I know it’s hard to get 100% freedom, but it doesn’t mean that I do not have the freedom of choice to do the things I like. As long as I am happy, other people opinions don’t matter.

I shall leave you to ponder/wonder with this comic that I reblogged on my tumblr.

(Source: Alan Watts – What if money was no object?)

Cats in Crime: 012 – 019

I decided not to post the drawing everyday. It’s rather tiring to draw and digitalised it. It took up quite an amount of time and effort everyday. It’s not that I am lazy, but doing it everyday somehow seems like a chore more than something that I enjoyed doing. So, I concluded that I will still draw something everyday, but the final result will be delay. Moreover, this allows me to have more time to muse about other things in life and what are the aspects or fields that I could explore into. Plus, there are other things that I wish to do too. Right now, my drawings are more or less snippets of my daily thoughts. It’s not very interesting, but rather something that almost everyone could relate to.

You might have realised that I came back to WordPress. I am very fickle-minded. I decided to blog here due to some factors. However, who knows someday, I might change again. Looking on a long-term basis, I would still opt for WordPress. (This is just a gut feeling. We shall see. So, I am leaving my the other blog, as it is right now.)

Alright, we shall go straight to the illustrations…

012. The world is spinning.

For those who didn’t know, I was having a very bad case of food poisoning. Till date (20 Jan), I am slowly recovering from it. It had been almost a week that I had food poisoning. On that day, I felt relatively weak and giddy. It got worse as time passes. It may be due to the fact that I am unable to take in food. I was surviving on liquid diet, mainly water and salt solution. Well, maybe that’s one of the main reason for my giddiness.

013. Starring at the screen

Well, other than resting or starring at the wall, majority of my time was spent watching this Chinese drama “後宮甄嬛傳” (Empresses in the Palace). It’s a show about several women, empress and the concubines to be exact, fighting over the “love” of a emperor and staying alive by running away from each other’s evil claws or traps. It’s rather interesting. Somehow, it reminded me of soccer – 22 men chasing after a ball. However, this show is about women using different techniques to catch the emperor’s attention and ensuring their own safety. What an analogy!

 014. Money…money..money…

Always sunny. In a rich man’s world. – ABBA, Money Money Money.
(Listen to it here.)

You need to have money for almost everything. The cost of living is increasing day after day. And I was calculating the amount of money I had spent on medicine (for my food poisoning), it’s quite a sum as I went to see three different doctors. :/ I won’t deny the fact that it’s so easy to waste money, and it so hard to earn it back. Well, I need to start saving up.

015. Sprawling

That’s what I did.

016. Aching legs

After resting for more than 4 days, I stepped foot out of my house. I had no energy. My legs are aching. I need to exercise once I recovered. I hate food poisoning.

017. Sleepy dreamy cat

018. Question

Well, sometimes I questioned myself “why am I drawing all these?” Only to realise that I enjoyed drawing and do not want to gain anything out of these. To start with a 365 project, mainly on drawing cats, I am trying to stretch myself – to see how creative can I be? It’s still early to judge. However, I am quite proud of myself that I manage to come out with an idea everyday and being persistent about this project.

019. Gloomy weather

It had been raining since the wee hours of this morning. I was sleeping and snuggling under my blanket, so as to do justice to the weather. I love to sleep in these weather. It’s so cooling and allows me to appreciate and love my bed more than ever. The cat decided to went out to have a walk in the rain. It’d been years since the yellow raincoat was utilised. Kind of nostalgia. The weather did remind me of “Singing in the rain”.

Alright, these are all that I had drew for the past few days.

Anyway, I had a humble request – please leave some comments about my doodles. I would love to hear from you guys about my illustrations, like areas that I could improve on and such. Thanks for viewing. E. 

Chang Mai – Reflection

I am back from Chiang Mai. To be honest, I was never this homesick before. I was looking out of the taxi’s window and I realised that I miss Singapore badly. I failed to appreciate the good, now I learnt to appreciate her more. Clean air, clean toilets, a large variety of food which are easily accessible and a great infrastructure. I am so thankful for those and more. (Maybe except the cost of living here.)
Having said that, I am extremely thankful to have visit Chiang Mai too. I have one of the raw experiences. Now, I fully understand this Chinese idiom ‘身在福中不知福’ (Translation: you don’t know how blessed you are). At this second, I’m contented. I am surrounded with so much blessings. How could I not realise that?
I am so glad to be home and be welcome by the warmth* of Singapore. Thank you Chiang Mai for all the experiences that had opened my mind. This marked a beautiful start for my 2013. I believe this year would be different and a great one too. E.
*Pun intended: Singapore is a very hot country. It’s summer all year round. Get it?
Post drafted on 8/1/2012 – 00.12am.

Enlightenment

Before I start to get into the main topic, I would like to say my thanks first. 🙂 I am extremely thankful for this Europe trip; it had always been my dream to go to Europe. Nevertheless, I believe I will visit there again in future. It is a life changing experience for me. It did open up my mind. I’m thankful that I went ahead with the trip despite all the crashing schedules. I didn’t regret it at all.

From the recent concluded trip, it allowed me to realise about the more about myself, be it what I need or want. All these thoughts kept running through my brain on the last day of the trip. Especially once I landed in Singapore, it became relatively overwhelming to the extend I’m emotionally exhausted. Not forgetting the fact that I’m physically tired too, since it’s a direct 13 hours flight. So, just imagine the tiredness I am experiencing. While I was in Europe, I think of nothing but freedom and enjoyment. But once I’m back here, I feel suffocated from all the ideas or standards that people are imposing towards anyone or anything.

#1: I’m sick of all the “ideas” which people are imposing on me. 

I feel suffocated with everyone telling me “this is for your own good” or in other words “best practices”. What’s with the “you should do this…this and this…” I don’t understand why should I follow what you think is good for me. I know what I should or should not do; after all I understand exactly what I want. It’s my freedom of choice. Opinions are welcome, but don’t you impose them on me. Now, I am claustrophobic towards such attitudes.

#2: I love freedom too much.

As mentioned earlier, I don’t like people telling me what to do with my life. I like to wander around to experience all the different form of emotions. I enjoyed so much peace during this trip, as there hardly any nagging, questioning or scolding. It’s great! 2 weeks of peacefulness, it’s like GOLD to me. I didn’t have to account to anyone during those 2 weeks. This is the freedom that I want all along. I don’t like to report to anyone neither do I like to have a microchip attached to me.

#3: There is a need to balance between happiness and achievements.

Before the trip, I was worrying about work, studies and this trip. All three schedules crashed with one another. However, somehow Mother Nature managed to solve it for me. I managed to get approval for leaves. I had great team mates who will step in for the team assignments. I had great lecturers who understand and helped along the way. At the week before I flew, the time table for my tests are out, thank goodness, they are schedule after a week of my arrival date. I am extremely thankful and glad that everything went smoothly. I have been dreaming about going Europe since ages. This was a dream came true for me; obviously, I was not going to miss this chance. After I am back, I did feel a sense of fulfilment, as I experience quite a few “firsts” over at Europe.  It made me think about what I want and my current studies. 

As much as I want to score well for my studies, at the end of the day, it just a score on the report card. On the global stage, the report card is nothing. It about what you have learnt, what you could bring along and offer to others.  What comes around goes around. You don’t have to sit in for a class to learn to be nice, respect people and be humble. Achievement can bring you to a certain destination, but you are not happy during the process or at the end of it. I wonder what you are going to do. I am not saying I’m not going to study or put in effort, after all, it’s still my responsibility to do my best, stop complaining or whining, since it’s a choice that I chose. Enjoy and turn the negative energy into positive influence. Whatever result I get, it’s just another result.

Thus, it leads on to my next point.

#4: No point wasting energy on negative emotions.

It’s tiring and sickening. Period.

#5. Learn to slow down and appreciate the goodness around me.

It’s about time I do that. Even though I am still young, but I no longer find the time of rushing through things. I prefer things at a slower pace. You get to see more and feel more. Imagine this, you are rushing through your day, at the end of the day, you do not know what exactly happened. That’s kind of sad, if you can’t think of an incident that gave you a second of happiness. Slow down, observe and appreciate, you may find something interesting along the way. That’s how you get first-hand experience.

#6. I feel like a “local foreigner”.

I was away for merely 2 weeks. Once, I am back in my hometown, my first impression was everything was so foreign to me. I have no idea why. Nothing seems to interest me at the moment. I left like I’m better off “flying around”.  That’s like when I’m truly myself. 🙂

Seriously, this trip allows me to reflect a lot. I believe that the above 6 points are good enough for me to remember. Like I said I realised them when I was away for a trip, I may wore rose-tinted glasses while viewing everything. Nevertheless, I am certainly determined about a few points. At times, it just sucks that reality work this way. But, not forgetting the fact that, everything that I do is a choice of mine. 

Yes, this trip was fantastic!